Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
