did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
