So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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