Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize