Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
