maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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