I puked a lego.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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