i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
