So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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