I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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