Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
