Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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