David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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