I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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