I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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