It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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