I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize