I think my vagina is haunted
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
