life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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