How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
