These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
