Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
