There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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