Porn is love you can see.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
