after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
