I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i jhust puked up my retainher.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
