he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
