you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
