I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
