i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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