toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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