i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
