Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize