Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize