I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
