I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
