ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
