the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
