I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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