I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
