the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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