The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
