Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so that wasnt chicken after all
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
