my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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