I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
