I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
