im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
