he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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