I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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