Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
