so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
