You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
