One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
