I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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