I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
