yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
