is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
