i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
