well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
