just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
