You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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