Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
