I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
