mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will be naked everywhere
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
