a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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