I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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