idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
