You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
