omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
