hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
