I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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