Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
